I think- I HOPE- this means that the resulting gift choice is solid and reasonable. I'm certain, however, that it is not as hilarious as it could have been.
Until the time when you can actually receive the thing I bought, I present to you:
Stuff... that I could have bought your puppy!
The first thing I looked at was dog bowls! Because everyone needs dog bowls, right? Probably multiple sets, so they can be swapped out for cleaning.
Because everyone wants their dog to eat out of a meme!
>Or from a bowl with spikes in it! Even if they are fashion spikes.
Oh dear god what is this? Why would you do this to a pet? I'd be concerned it would spring a leak and fill your food with whatever weird gel is probably in there in lieu of water.
On the whole, most of the bowls either sucked or were creepily gendered (seriously). So I moved on to other oddities.
For example! Did you know that this is a real thing?
I almost bought you this. I genuinely almost bought you this.
But no! Surely you want your puppy to smell like sugary human food!
Many, many varieties of sugary human food.
But no one likes getting soap as a gift. So I moved on again.
I am sure you are well acquainted with the madness of pet toys. And if you're not, I could not bring myself to deprive you of the opportunity to explore the insanity for yourself! So I only took one photo to share.
Because you want to train your dog to bring in dead possums.
... And you want to do so with the help of Martha Stewart.
Happy Birthday, Em! Hope your day (and puppy) are the best!
